please

Maybe its the repetitive nature, or the lack of something new but this unhappiness has been nagging me for months now. I used to know my most anticipated day of the week but now its dwindled down to a sense of commitment and a 'do the right thing' mentality. This scares me.

I don't really know what happened. A year ago I was so excited to be a part of what I imagined to be something amazing but I've disappointed myself. A year ago I would never have thought what I think now, that I want to fit in somewhere else, because I sure don't feel like I fit in now. It's not like I want to quit full stop. I just want to feel excited again. Desperately.

Something I find I ask myself everyday is whether or not I'm straying from God, to which I always immediately answer NO. (yes, I talk to myself). Its shameful, but what I am is wondering. I wonder why non Christians break the rules but are happier than I am. I wonder why I follow the rules but get no where. And again, its not that I'm doubting my faith, it exasperates me when people refuse to believe.

The Conclusion. My spiritual life sucks. Time to pick it up.